wfh, now from home

My biggest goal with the 2-4 weeks here is to be less of a …workaholic really isn’t the right word because my work isn’t pressuring me to do any of this, but careeraholic, I guess. My career choice has pressured me into feeling this way all the time.

I want to be on the computer as little as humanly possible outside of 9-5 now. I am writing this, on a Saturday night, from a computer. My commitments are going way down now.

I hope this is a good reset that allows me to really re-evaluate what I want to focus on… hyperfocus on to reach my goals.

wfh

It’s possible that we have to work from home for well over a month due to COVID19.

I used to work from home when I was freelancing in my late teens. I couldn’t find the separation between work and play.

I get really restless when I have to sit at a desk for 8+ hours Not even moving around to talk to people or go to meetings is basically my hell. With video calling being more prevalent, you can’t really walk and take a phone call anymore.

The hardest thing for me is that I have to set working hours for myself. I have to stick to this. No breaks except for lunch. If I don’t do that, I will never stop half-working, half-playing.

This also cuts into my study schedule. It is basically impossible to look at a code editor after working remotely for 8 hours. I think I can still continue reading books (but I had a very ambitious schedule that I may cut in half now), but all studying relating to direct coding (ie Java) is called off until further notice. I need distance.

Let’s hope this is over quickly, for more reasons than this whining. It’s been a really dour 2 weeks.

cloudy

It’s a perfect, cloudy day today. You can see the rolling layers of the clouds, there’s no risk of rain, the air is crisp, there’s a slight breeze, and there’s no sign of that menacing sun. It’s my favorite kind of weather.

It’s the kind of weather you can drown your emotions in. Without the sun, the world feels empty and quiet. No input, no output, everything just is.

I used to love going to Disneyland on days like this. Since we weren’t allowed to bring our phones after my dad once lost my sister’s somewhere in the Rivers of America, the long lines with the same 2-3 people I can only talk to so much before I lose my mind became a bit more bearable.

That bleachy smell and the gray skies are always thinking time. I don’t know what I was necessarily thinking about, but somehow the clouds made all the petty stuff disappear.

Who cares about school drama and work problems when the world is so clear?

Let the obsessions rest, let the pressure melt, let the drama slow. The world is quiet here… at least as long as the clouds shield us from the noise.

first donations of the year

I had a goal this year to donate whatever leftover money I had after expenses and savings to charity. It’s important to stay grounded, sacrifice some of your meal to the gods every month, etc.. I think it’s immoral for folks who are able to invest significant amounts of money to not donate.

That hasn’t worked out so cleanly because since I got a bonus this month, I have extra extra money, and I don’t feel comfortable donating such a large amount. I also occasionally have a few hundred come in from various freelance opportunities.

My income doesn’t vary much, but it varies enough to make donating leftover money weird.

I’ve decided to stick with a goal of donating a fixed amount each month instead.

The two charities I’ve decided to donate to this year are both very close to my heart: RAINN and Sightsavers. Although, I’m also considering switching my focus to Sankara Eye Foundation since it’s an extremely Indian-American organization.

My favorite website for finding places to donate to is ImpactMatters. It’s all well and good for GiveWell to tell me that malaria prevention is the best use of my money. That doesn’t stop the fact that I care about certain things more.

ImpactMatters has a great calculator that tells you your direct impact based on how much money you donated. It also has lists for your local area.

I care a lot about sexual violence domestically & health related to India, so that’s where my money is going.

According to ImpactMatters, my donation of $300 saved 6 people from blindness. I can feel that in my bones and it incentivizes me to donate more.

It doesn’t cover all topics, though. It doesn’t have a category for domestic violence victims, or women-focused, so I do have to look elsewhere.

I also give some money via Kiva, but I’m not sure something so capitalist is actually a good use of my money. It’s nice that I can put in $100 and have it cycle around forever, though.

reading music

I’ve found that the best reading music for me is Classical KUSC. I’ve been listening on and off since I was a kid in LA — I loved classical music before. My favorite composer is Liszt, although Bernstein is up there, too.

They have an app which makes things extremely convenient. Just open it, turn on Bluetooth, and I’m good to go.

I can’t seem to read words when the hosts are speaking, though. I don’t think I could focus as well if it didn’t feel human-curated, though. I’d always be yearning to skip the song, make the perfect playlist, or whatever.

I’m also a paid member. The diversity of music they play is really nice, from film scores to modern classical music to renditions of classics.

just voted!

2020 leggo

I’m endorsing Elizabeth Warren for President because I think she’s the only candidate who’s ever been speaking intersectionality. (Sadly, the candidates of color often didn’t have the privilege to. Been there, experienced that.)

I’m okay with a Bernie Sanders presidency, but it’d be …very economics focused rather than targeting cultural forces beyond money.

Honestly, I’m surprised more Yang people aren’t Bernie people. They’re very similar.

Down ballot, voted for incumbents, voted against higher bonds towards seemingly no end, and weirdly… voted against the city of Oakland requiring an official city newspaper? Weird stuff.