i’d tell you i love you, but then i’d have to kill you

This series is a fascinating bit of personal history for me. My sister had read the series long before I had, and actually owned the first few books. I was just reaching that tenuous age of “pre-teen” where children’s books are a little too childish, and Young Adult books were a little too adult.

I wanted to read about roaring adventure and first romances, but a little less Twilight. One day, I think I found this book on my sister’s shelf and thought it was an annoying girly book about high school, but then it was about spies.

We all know how I feel about spies.

I really liked this series, but I found it a little disjointed and hard to keep up with. I don’t think I ever finished it. I have some really vivid memories of it, though. I’m the exact opposite of a visual thinker, but I distinctly remember a visual image of Cammie in a sweatshirt meeting wavy-haired Josh for the first time. I saw the carnival, I saw the sweatshirt, and I remember it being so real in my head.

There was one other instant of that in these books, when Cammie is on a train and meets Zach on a train while on a mission. I remember that was so sexy, the tension was on high.

I think these left such an impression on me because they were the first books… ever… where I felt invested in the romance. I read Twilight shortly after, but I was more invested in the world than the exciting thrill of the romance.

So, I finally reread it because it’s absurdly short. It’s shorter than any children’s books I’ve been reading thus far, (For reference, the second book in this series is about half the length of the third book in the Vampire Academy series, which I’m also going through right now.) I finished it in one day by mixing between the ebook and the audiobook, although I did have to stay up late to do so.

It really is a page turner, and it’s been a while since I read a book that genuinely made me just flip & flip & flip without thinking about it. You know how you get into this state with reading where you start to forget you’re reading each individual word and it starts to just surround you? “Getting lost in the book?” That happened to me while I was reading this book, and that’s a really tall order for someone who struggles to read like me.

At the same time, don’t get me wrong, it’s really bad. I’m not an idiot for not getting it when I was a kid, the length meant that there are major parts of the books that just skip. The world really isn’t very fleshed out. The characters are flat. It’s just objectively not a very good book.

But, I’m invested in figuring out which boy she gets with in the end since I never finished the series. There’s other plot points I care about… I guess… but mostly which boy she chooses. According to Goodreads, the last book came out in 2013 — when I was 16, so I definitely wasn’t reading the same books I was reading when I was 10.

I’ll talk more about my thoughts on the two boys when I write my post about the second book since we technically don’t even know Zach exists yet here.

I love me some easy breezy reads. No shame, no guilty pleasures. I’m reading whatever I want.